A dollar for a human bought a loaf of bread that was eaten in a few bites. The same dollar for Wee Mad Arthur bought the same-sized loaf, but it was food for a week and could then be further hollowed...
Woss the matter with you? asked Big Ted, irritably. Go on. Press ‘D.’ Elvis Presley died in 1976.I DON’T CARE WHAT IT SAYS, said the tall biker in the helmet, I NEVER LAID A FINGER ON HIM.
He knew from experience that true and obvious ideas, such as the ineffable wisdom and judgment of the Great God Om, seemed so obscure to many people that you actually had to kill them before they saw...
Sometimes it’s like watching a wasp land on a stinging nettle: someone’s going to get stung and you don’t care.
...Human beings, little bags of thinking water held up briefly by fragile accumulations of calcium...
And gears, said Anathema. My bike didn't have gears. I'm sure my bike didn't have gears.Crowley leaned over to the angel. Oh lord, heal this bike, he whispered sarcastically.I'm sorry, I just got carr...
The truly smart, having discovered they are cleverer than the people around them, soon learn that the smartest thing of all for them to do is to prevent said people from ever finding this out.
I staggered into a Manchester bar late one night on a tour and the waitress said "You look as if you need a Screaming Orgasm". At the time this was the last thing on my mind...
You can't map a sense of humor. Anyway, what is a fantasy map but a space beyond which There Be Dragons? On the Discworld we know that There Be Dragons Everywhere. They might not all have scales and f...
I assure you I will not kill you, said Inigo. I know that, said Vimes. But will you try?
He'sh mad?Sort of mad. But mad with lots of money.Ah, then he can’t be mad. I've been around; if a man hash lotsh of money he'sh just ecshentric.
The anthropologists got it wrong when they named our species Homo sapiens ('wise man'). In any case it's an arrogant and bigheaded thing to say, wisdom being one of our least evident features. In real...
There were times when you could feel that the world would be a better place if Annagramma got the occasional slap around the ear. The silly unthinking insults, her huge lack of interest in anyone othe...
That's Third Thoughts for you. When a huge rock is going to land on your head, they're the thoughts that think: Is that an igneous rock, such as granite, or is it sandstone?
Of course, it is very important to be sober when you take an exam. Many worthwhile careers in the street-cleansing, fruit-picking and subway-guitar-playing industries have been founded on a lack of un...
It is a long-cherished tradition among a certain type of military thinker that huge casualties are the main thing. If they are on the other side then this is a valuable bonus.
You can't give her that!' she screamed. 'It's not safe!'IT'S A SWORD, said the Hogfather. THEY'RE NOT MEANT TO BE SAFE.'She's a child!' shouted Crumley.IT'S EDUCATIONAL.'What if she cuts herself?'THAT...
Never trust any complicated cocktail that remains perfectly clear until the last ingredient goes in, and then immediately clouds.
Life could be horrible in the wrong trouser of time.
Luck is my middle name," said Rincewind, indistinctly. "Mind you, my first name is Bad.