That's the one nice thing about being a dork about men: you can sometimes play it off as restrained and classy.
THEY KIDNAP AND MURDER MY HUSBAND ON OUR HONEYMOON My new husband and I are vacationing in Buenos Aires.
Soul mates is what you aim for, but soup snakes is what you get sometimes.
Just bear a passing resemblance to a fictional romantic trope I like and I will love you forever. We're all just trying to find the Mark Darcy of our workplace, aren't we?
In an attempt to achieve the cheeky, gay-centric tone of the show, I had written a sample so over-the-top offensively gay that it actually reads like a propaganda sketch to incite antigay sentiment.
If you believe in yourself and work hard, you have a fighting shot at having your dreams come true.
I am notorious for making impassioned speeches about things nobody cares about.
I also became familiar with an entirely new category of people: the unhappily married person. They are everywhere, and they are ten thousand times more depressing than a divorced person. My friend Tim...
The Yankees were playing my hometown Red Sox on TV and I lost my cool at a guy who was loudly dissing them. I yelled, Derek Jeter is baseball’s Hitler! This was in New York City. In a room full of Jew...
There is a certain type of greasy hair that you get only when you are writing with no breaks.
People talk about confidence without ever bringing up hard work. That’s a mistake. I know I sound like some dour older spinster on Downton Abbey who has never felt a man’s touch and whose heart has tu...
One very gratifying compliment I sometimes hear is that women want to be my best friend. This endlessly amuses my actual best friend, Jocelyn, because in her estimation I’m 'a good friend, but not tha...
Men know what they want. Men make concrete plans. Men own alarm clocks. Men sleep on a mattress that isn’t on the floor. Men tip generously. Men buy new shampoo instead of adding water to a nearly emp...
Learning about new hot sauces is the least expensive way to improve my quality of life.
I know many friends who loved their sororities. I wasn’t traumatized. I was just bored.
I do not think stress is a legitimate topic of conversation, in public anyway. No one ever wants to hear how stressed anyone else is, because most of the time everyone is stressed out. Going on and on...
I am telling you, the key to looking gorgeous is to never sit up straight. It implies you have not eaten enough to have the strength to sit like a regular person, which historically is sexy to everyon...
I also began to have a pretty disturbing attitude toward eating. I developed a real superiority complex to people who ate actual food. I realized that this is how fashion editors at women’s magazines...
However, you should know I disagree with a lot of traditional advice. For instance, they say the best revenge is living well. I say it’s acid in the face—who will love them now?
Here’s how I think you can get your confidence back, kid: Work hard, know your shit, show your shit, and then feel entitled. Listen to no one except the two smartest and kindest adults you know, and t...