I’ll get you, you clique-y sons of bitches, I thought. You know what? I never did get them. I’m just realizing now. I should totally still get them.
It’s one of those songs— like Eric Clapton’s Tears in Heaven— that everyone knows all the words to without ever having chosen to learn them.
It's weird when you feel your dream slipping away from you. Especially when you have no other dreams.
It's weird when you feel your dream slipping away from you. Especially when you have no other dreams. I was surprised that my overwhelming feeling was not sadness; it was terror. What on earth am I go...
It's traumatizing to think that a best friend could become just a friend. That's because there's virtually no difference between an acquaintance and a friend. But the gulf between a friend and a best...
It sounds odd, but cheerful is very hard to find in Los Angeles. I think sometimes people think cheerful is a synonym for dumb, so no one is ever cheerful.
In my thirties, I gained a sense of calm that came from professional stability and, although this is not backed by science, a general slowing of my metabolism, which is why I can gain seven pounds fro...
If you have never seen a flight attendant praying, I hope you never do, because it is one the scariest things in the whole world. Scarier
I will leave you with one last piece of advice, which is: If you’ve got it, flaunt it. And if you don’t got it? Flaunt it. ’Cause what are we even doing here if we’re not flaunting it? And that, my fr...
I think that’s the lesson of this story: you never know what is going to happen. Other lessons: • No matter how good you have it, it’s cool to want more. • Self-pity gets results. • Sometimes you c...
I think it’s a federal crime parking meters won’t accept pennies. Yeah, government, we know pennies suck. But you made them! You have to accept them! Parking meters are literally one of the three thin...
I think I love the scene because it reflects how love works. Soul mates is what you aim for, but soup snakes is what you get sometimes.
I simply regard romantic comedies as a subgenre of sci-fi, in which the world created therein has different rules than my regular human world. Then I just lap it up. There is no difference between Rip...
I might even know more divorced people than married people, because I live in godless Los Angeles, where if you’re engaged it simply means you’re publicly announcing that you are dating a person monog...
I like to think of myself as the Rod Blagojevich of television.
I just sometimes get the sneaking suspicion that corporations are co-opting girl confidence language to rally girls into buying body wash. Be careful.
I got to see my friend B. J. Novak daily, which, when we weren’t fighting, was the absolute best.
I got a text. It was Will, on Air Force One, about to take off back to Washington: I should’ve kissed you. That’s on me.
I felt bad for Lulu because I've been Lulu. It's really hard when you realize the guy you've been dating is basically a high schooler at heart. It make you feel like Mary Kay Letourneau. It's the wors...
I don’t have that kind of confidence. My voice is loud and piercing, and I project like I was once told by a doctor during a childhood illness that I would never speak again.