The Internet also makes it extraordinarily difficult for me to focus. One small break to look up exactly how almond milk is made, and four hours later I'm reading about the Donner Party and texting al...
That’s why every doctor on TV is a drug addict, a sociopath, or just plain mega-rude. Doctors can do anything they want!
Sometimes You Just Have to Put on Lip Gloss and Pretend to Be Psyched
So much of college is girls labeling other girls terrible things when they don't like their behavior, but using concerned language so they have plausible deniability is they get accused of being bitch...
Playful arguments would become fits of uncontrollable laughter, and, like magic, that experience would be crystallized into a private joke, and the private joke would get boiled down to a simple phras...
People get
People don’t say Give me your honest opinion because they want an honest opinion. They say it because it’s rude to say Please tell me I’m amazing.
Our Klutz clangs into Stop signs while riding a bike, and knocks over giant displays of expensive fine china. Despite being five foot nine and weighing 110 pounds, she is basically like a drunk buffal...
Originally, in my pilot script, I had named my character Mira. But Kevin Reilly told me to change it to Mindy.
One of the great things about women’s magazines is that they accept that drinking water and sitting quietly will make your breasts huge and lips plump up to the size of two bratwursts.
One friend with whom you have a lot in common is better than three with whom you struggle to find things to talk about. We never needed best friend gear because I guess with real friends you don’t hav...
Neither of us gets to be the princess all the time.
My version of an Irish exit has an air of deception to it, because it includes my asking loudly, Where’s the bathroom? and making theatrical looking-around gestures like a lost foreign tourist. But th...
My parents were supportive of my creativity but did not have a lot of patience for whimsy with zero production value. They had stuff to do.
My guest to dinner was my best friend, Jocelyn, who had taken the train down from New York. We forewent seeing any DC museums or national monuments to order cheeseburgers and watch Will & Grace in bed...
My family’s dreams about a future unfettered by the limitations imposed by who you know and dependent only on what you know was possible only in this beautiful land. Their
Luckily the rope fiasco was eclipsed, several weeks later, when I accidentally pronounced jalapeño with a hard j in front of Vijay, Hondo, and some other campers. I’d only ever seen it printed on the...
Jocelyn is willowy and half-Asian, and while fitting the bill technically for a model, has no interest in modeling. She's just that cool. Me, on the other hand, whenever I lose, like, five pounds, I b...
I’m the one who looks at the infant, smiles nervously, and as my contribution to small talk, robotically announces to the parent, Your child looks healthy and well cared for.
I’m not complaining about Romance Being Dead - I’ve just described a happy marriage as based on talking about plants and a canceled Ray Romano show and drinking milkshakes: not exactly rose petals and...