In the genre of making you feel like you’re not having an awesome American high school experience, the worst offender is actually a song: John Cougar Mellencamp’s Jack & Diane. It’s one of those songs...
It felt to me like I was making more of an effort than he was, and when I sensed that, I pulled back, not returning his calls or texts because I felt hurt. But none of that mattered, because I knew th...
It sounds odd, but cheerful is very hard to find in Los Angeles. I think sometimes people think cheerful is a synonym for dumb, so no one is ever cheerful.
It's funny when you decide you don't like someone. I am the kind of person who, if my feelings are unrequited, can completely detach from someone emotionally if I simply put my mind to it. That's why...
It's sort of my go-to stock image of my childhood, actually. I think it has something to do with knowing I'll never be able to go back to that time that makes me cry every time I listen to it.
It's traumatizing to think that a best friend could become just a friend. That's because there's virtually no difference between an acquaintance and a friend. But the gulf between a friend and a best...
It's weird when you feel your dream slipping away from you. Especially when you have no other dreams. I was surprised that my overwhelming feeling was not sadness; it was terror. What on earth am I go...
It’s been proven that writers are funnier when they are demoralized.
It’s one of those songs— like Eric Clapton’s Tears in Heaven— that everyone knows all the words to without ever having chosen to learn them.
I’ll get you, you clique-y sons of bitches, I thought. You know what? I never did get them. I’m just realizing now. I should totally still get them.
I’m not complaining about Romance Being Dead - I’ve just described a happy marriage as based on talking about plants and a canceled Ray Romano show and drinking milkshakes: not exactly rose petals and...
I’ve found that a well-fitting padded bra can transform me from a pear-shaped woman to an hourglass-shaped woman. Okay, maybe not hourglass-shaped, but definitely, say, an egg-timer-shaped woman.
Jocelyn is willowy and half-Asian, and while fitting the bill technically for a model, has no interest in modeling. She's just that cool. Me, on the other hand, whenever I lose, like, five pounds, I b...
Just as long as it pays enough to give me the option to go back to work part-time if I decide to pursue my hobby professionally, which is photographing cool manicures for Instagram.
Like every heterosexual woman and gay man in the country, I think James Franco is a very mysterious and sexy weirdo and I’d like to be invited to do a love scene with him in one of his art house movie...
Luckily the rope fiasco was eclipsed, several weeks later, when I accidentally pronounced jalapeño with a hard j in front of Vijay, Hondo, and some other campers. I’d only ever seen it printed on the...
My family’s dreams about a future unfettered by the limitations imposed by who you know and dependent only on what you know was possible only in this beautiful land. Their
My guest to dinner was my best friend, Jocelyn, who had taken the train down from New York. We forewent seeing any DC museums or national monuments to order cheeseburgers and watch Will & Grace in bed...
My version of an Irish exit has an air of deception to it, because it includes my asking loudly, Where’s the bathroom? and making theatrical looking-around gestures like a lost foreign tourist. But th...
Neither of us gets to be the princess all the time.
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