I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
I conceive that the right way to write a story for boys is to write so that it will not only interest boys but strongly interest any man who has ever been a boy. That immensely enlarges the audience.
The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them.
In statesmanship get formalities right never mind about the moralities.
Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
To be satisfied with what one has that is wealth. As long as one sorely needs a certain additional amount that man isn't rich.
We don not think, in the holy places; we think in bed, afterwards, when the glare, and the the noise, and the confusion are gone, and in fancy we revisit alone, the solemn monuments of the past, and s...
Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness.
To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with.
Reality can be beaten with enough imagination.
If books are not good company, where shall I find it?
It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
If we would learn what the human race really is at bottom, we need only observe it in election times.
Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.
There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice.
No you can’t. I can. You can’t. Can! Can’t! An uncomfortable pause. Then Tom said: What’s your name? ’Tisn’t any of your business, maybe. Well I ’low I’ll MAKE it my business. Well why don’t you? If y...
I 'uz mos' to de foot er de islan' b'fo' I found' a good place. I went into de woods en jedged I wouldn' fool wid raffs no mo', long as dey move de lantern roun' so. I had my pipe en a plug er dog-leg...