I can last two months on a good compliment.
Nothing exists but you. And you are but a thought.
The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French.
Peace by persuasion has a pleasant sound, but I think we should not be able to work it. We should have to tame the human race first, and history seems to show that that cannot be done.
Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.
Some people get an education without going to college. The rest get it after they get out.
I take my only exercise acting as a pallbearer at the funerals of my friends who exercise regularly.
A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory.
Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress but I repeat myself.
Golf is a good walk spoiled.
Man - a creature made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.
I wish to become rich so that I can instruct the people and glorify honest poverty a little like those kind-hearted fat benevolent people do.
Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of the man - the biography of the man himself cannot be written.
Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.
Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are pliable.
It's considered good sportsmanship not to pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
During the gold rush its a good time to be in the pick and shovel business
High and fine literature is wine, and mine is only water; but everybody likes water.
Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the vast limits of their knowledge.
One should never use exclamation points in writing. It is like laughing at your own joke.