Joseph Heller Quote

When I was a kid, I used to walk around all day with crab apples in my cheeks. One in each cheek.I threw the book down. It was impossible to read anything with a guy like Orr around you.Why? I finally asked.Because they’re better than horse chestnuts, he answered with a twinge of triumph in his voice.Why’d you walk around with crab apples in your cheeks? That’s what I asked, I said, glaring at him.He didn’t notice, of course. He was still pacing around the room.When I couldn’t get crab apples, I used horse chestnuts. They’re about the same size and actually have a better shape, though the shape don’t matter much. Who belongsa this? He was holding the hunting knife from the mosquito-net bar by the dead man in our tent. That guy Orr’d pick up anything. I told him it was the dead man’s. So he chucked it backwards, and it landed three inches away from the dead man’s head. If Old Orr had better aim, it probably woulda killed the guy, if he weren’t already dead.Why did you walk around with anything in your cheeks? I was losing my patience now. You always lose your patience when you’re talking with a guy like Orr.I didn’t walk around with anything in my cheeks. I walked around with crab apples in my cheeks, and when I couldn’t get crab apples I used horse chestnuts. In my cheeks. One in each cheek.Why?Because I wanted…

Joseph Heller

When I was a kid, I used to walk around all day with crab apples in my cheeks. One in each cheek.I threw the book down. It was impossible to read anything with a guy like Orr around you.Why? I finally asked.Because they’re better than horse chestnuts, he answered with a twinge of triumph in his voice.Why’d you walk around with crab apples in your cheeks? That’s what I asked, I said, glaring at him.He didn’t notice, of course. He was still pacing around the room.When I couldn’t get crab apples, I used horse chestnuts. They’re about the same size and actually have a better shape, though the shape don’t matter much. Who belongsa this? He was holding the hunting knife from the mosquito-net bar by the dead man in our tent. That guy Orr’d pick up anything. I told him it was the dead man’s. So he chucked it backwards, and it landed three inches away from the dead man’s head. If Old Orr had better aim, it probably woulda killed the guy, if he weren’t already dead.Why did you walk around with anything in your cheeks? I was losing my patience now. You always lose your patience when you’re talking with a guy like Orr.I didn’t walk around with anything in my cheeks. I walked around with crab apples in my cheeks, and when I couldn’t get crab apples I used horse chestnuts. In my cheeks. One in each cheek.Why?Because I wanted…

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About Joseph Heller

Joseph Heller (May 1, 1923 – December 12, 1999) was an American author of novels, short stories, plays, and screenplays. His best-known work is the 1961 novel Catch-22, a satire on war and bureaucracy, whose title has become a synonym for an absurd or contradictory choice. He was nominated in 1972 for the Nobel Prize in Literature.