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Frank Portman Quotes

Maybe they notice me wincing whenever I hear them say it, but I don't know: there are all sorts of reasons I could be wincing. Life is a wince-a-thon.

Frank Portman

Maybe they notice me wincing whenever I hear them say it, but I don't know: there are all sorts of reasons I could be wincing. Life is a wince-a-thon.

Tags: cringe, high school, nickname, wince

You start by allowing your own world to be corrupted by their warped values, and then you gradually start using their sadistic methods and eventually end up adopting bits of their sick ideology. And e...

Frank Portman

You start by allowing your own world to be corrupted by their warped values, and then you gradually start using their sadistic methods and eventually end up adopting bits of their sick ideology. And e...

About Author
Frank Portman (born September 21, 1964), better known by the pseudonym Dr. Frank, is an American musician, singer, guitarist, and author. He is the singer, guitarist, and primary songwriter of the Berkeley, California punk rock band The Mr. T Experience, and has remained the only consistent member of the band since its formation in 1985, performing on ten studio albums and five EPs. He has also recorded and performed as a solo artist, releasing the album Show Business is My Life in 1999 and the EP Eight Little Songs in 2003. In recent years he has pursued a writing career in young adult literature, authoring the novels King Dork (2006), Andromeda Klein (2009), and King Dork Approximately (2014).

Basically, Sam Phillips recorded Bill Haley, Johnny Cash, and all those other Memphis guys; Chuck Berry played the top two strings; Elvis appeared on The Ed Sullivan Show above the waist; the Beatles...

Frank Portman

Basically, Sam Phillips recorded Bill Haley, Johnny Cash, and all those other Memphis guys; Chuck Berry played the top two strings; Elvis appeared on The Ed Sullivan Show above the waist; the Beatles...

It was more like an abortion than music, but he got a wildly enthusiastic response from the crowd. Well, we're all pro-choice out here in Hillmont, after all.

Frank Portman

It was more like an abortion than music, but he got a wildly enthusiastic response from the crowd. Well, we're all pro-choice out here in Hillmont, after all.

Tags: music

The guy who wrote The Doors of Perception got off way easier, though, especially since the worst band in the history of the world, the Doors, named themselves after it. He has a lot to answer for.

Frank Portman

The guy who wrote The Doors of Perception got off way easier, though, especially since the worst band in the history of the world, the Doors, named themselves after it. He has a lot to answer for.

My attention was temporarily thrown off course, because of the possibly decent band name. Hot Underwear: Jesus the Thong Burglar on guitar and vox, Hellerman Schmellerman on bass and vox, Phil Rudd on...

Frank Portman

My attention was temporarily thrown off course, because of the possibly decent band name. Hot Underwear: Jesus the Thong Burglar on guitar and vox, Hellerman Schmellerman on bass and vox, Phil Rudd on...

There's always a bit of suspense about the particular way in which a given school year will get off to a bad start.

Frank Portman

There's always a bit of suspense about the particular way in which a given school year will get off to a bad start.

Tags: humor, school

I’m a very spiritual person, she likes to say, for instance. Like when she’s explaining how she hates religion and all those who practice it. Well, okay, if it makes you feel better, Carol.

Frank Portman

I’m a very spiritual person, she likes to say, for instance. Like when she’s explaining how she hates religion and all those who practice it. Well, okay, if it makes you feel better, Carol.

I'm not any religion myself, but for the record, I'm pretty sure I do believe in God. It's just a feeling I have. I can't prove it, but since when are you supposed to prove a feeling? God is the only...

Frank Portman

I'm not any religion myself, but for the record, I'm pretty sure I do believe in God. It's just a feeling I have. I can't prove it, but since when are you supposed to prove a feeling? God is the only...

When I dream of how it would be if I were suddenly transformed into the kind of guy that does not repulse the females of our species, I don’t necessarily think of any particular girl. Pick

Frank Portman

When I dream of how it would be if I were suddenly transformed into the kind of guy that does not repulse the females of our species, I don’t necessarily think of any particular girl. Pick

Sam Hellerman is a genius!

Frank Portman

Sam Hellerman is a genius!

The entire second-period sophomore girls’ PE class thought my balls were uniquely and supremely beneath contempt. Great.

Frank Portman

The entire second-period sophomore girls’ PE class thought my balls were uniquely and supremely beneath contempt. Great.

1975 was a great year for rock and roll, and don’t believe anyone who tells you different.

Frank Portman

1975 was a great year for rock and roll, and don’t believe anyone who tells you different.

What he meant was that he had fixed some vegetarian slop with lentils and bean-curd lumps and weird-tasting fake cheese, and that we were welcome to have a crack at choking some of it down. So Sam Hel...

Frank Portman

What he meant was that he had fixed some vegetarian slop with lentils and bean-curd lumps and weird-tasting fake cheese, and that we were welcome to have a crack at choking some of it down. So Sam Hel...

HIGH SCHOOL IS THE PENALTY FOR TRANSGRESSIONS YET TO BE SPECIFIED

Frank Portman

HIGH SCHOOL IS THE PENALTY FOR TRANSGRESSIONS YET TO BE SPECIFIED

Girls have all the same parts, basically, and so much of how they look depends on the attitude, expectations, and obsessions of those who are looking at them.

Frank Portman

Girls have all the same parts, basically, and so much of how they look depends on the attitude, expectations, and obsessions of those who are looking at them.

Dance Dance Revolution was, however, no enticement whatsoever to one who had tasted the delights of the King of Sacramento's shadowed chamber.

Frank Portman

Dance Dance Revolution was, however, no enticement whatsoever to one who had tasted the delights of the King of Sacramento's shadowed chamber.

D and D: a role-playing game played only by very cool guys.

Frank Portman

D and D: a role-playing game played only by very cool guys.

Communication is pointless and we're all doomed.

Frank Portman

Communication is pointless and we're all doomed.

And believe me, you don’t want to be around Migraine Mom. I strongly recommend avoiding that subject.

Frank Portman

And believe me, you don’t want to be around Migraine Mom. I strongly recommend avoiding that subject.