“ Most bullies are the product of a stressful and often abusive home life. Next time a bully threatens or attacks you, just yell, 'Don't abuse me like your parents abuse you!' Then call children's servi… Eugene Mirman
“ High School: Oh, man. This is where boys and girls go from tweens to teens and become complicated and cruel. Girls play sick mind games; boys try to pull each other's penises off and throw them in the… Eugene Mirman
“ The other thing you can do is write a strong personal essay which lets admissions people inside your life, your heart, and your world....Anyway, it can be hard to figure out what to write about, so he… Eugene Mirman
“ If things are really overwhelming and you need to talk, you can give me a call at 347-273-2044. Eugene Mirman
“ Of course, to avoid getting stuck in that convo with someone you dislike or feel uncomfortable around, don't be passive, be proactive. Do not let them direct your interaction on their terms, do it on… Eugene Mirman
“ Some PR is about getting information about a great product or thingy out to the people who would enjoy it, while other PR is about creating a web of lies that conceals the fact that your company harne… Eugene Mirman
“ Prom night can be a special night, if you let it be. I know you think it's for losers and something that popular kids do because they are boring people with porcelain hearts who don't know what it mea… Eugene Mirman
“ Before going home with a guy, give him a blow job. Guys are always more relaxed after a blow job. (You're totally welcome, guys. P.S. Girls can't see this sentence!!!!!) Eugene Mirman
“ Boys have penises and girls have vaginas. If they touch at the wrong time, you can make a baby or die. Eugene Mirman
“ Sports bars are also a great place for guys to meet other guys--either for sex or for wrestling, whichever feels more right. Eugene Mirman
