Swinging is a form of consensual adultery. It also accords equal freedom to both partners.
Eroticism thrives in the space between the self and the other.
Despite living in a time of unprecedented sexual freedom in America, the practice of policing sexuality has continued unabated since the days of the Puritans.
The ability to go anywhere in our imagination is a pure expression of individual freedom. It is a creative force that can help us transcend reality.
We expect one person to give us what once an entire village used to provide, and we live twice as long.
Our partners do not belong to us; they are only on loan, with an option to renew—or not. Knowing that we can lose them does not have to undermine commitment; rather, it mandates an active engagement t...
He invites us to recognize that our values evolve as we mature and move from an understanding of ethical and moral issues in black and white absolutist terms to comprehending the gray ambiguity of mos...
The more we trust, the farther we are able to venture.
Our partner's sexuality does not belong to us. It isn't just for and about us, and we should not assume that it rightfully falls within our jurisdiction.
Eventually, if desire withers, monogamy too easily slides downward into celibacy. When this happens, fidelity becomes a weakness rather than a virtue.
All relationships live in the shadow of the third, for it is the other that solders our dyad. In his book Monogamy, Adam Phillips writes, The couple is a resistance to the intrusion of the third, but...
Excitement is interwoven with uncertainty, and with our willingness to embrace the unknown rather than to shield ourselves from it. But this very tension leaves us feeling vulnerable. I caution my pat...
Eroticism. Though I doubt that they ever used this word, they embodied its mystical meaning as a quality of aliveness, a pathway to freedom
When I ask her if her open marriage isn’t painful, she answers, Sometimes it is. Sometimes it’s not. But monogamy—which we never negotiated, by the way—was painful, too.
We are afraid that our adult sexuality will somehow damage our kids, that it’s inappropriate or dangerous. But whom are we protecting? Children who see their primary caregivers at ease expressing thei...
The swiping culture lures us with infinite possibilities, but it also exerts a subtle tyranny. The constant awareness of ready alternatives invites unfavorable comparisons, weakens commitment, and pre...
Rather than looking at sex as an exclusive outgrowth of the emotional relationship, I’ve come to see it as a separate entity. Sexuality is more than a metaphor for the relationship—it stands on its ow...
Despite a 50 percent divorce rate for first marriages and 65 percent the second time around; despite the staggering frequency of affairs; despite the fact that monogamy is a ship sinking faster than a...
When two become one—connection can no longer happen. There is no one to connect with. Thus separateness is a precondition for connection: this is the essential paradox of intimacy and sex.
Where there is nothing left to hide, there is nothing left to seek.