The guests and I spent a glorious thirty minutes on some of the most uncomfortable folding chairs my ass has ever borne witness to, listening to a pastor who could make a sloth look like a gerbil on c...
He glanced down at the paper, then looked at Sam. His jaw opened slowly and he turned back to the picture of Elizabeth’s mom. Fuck me, is that a pigeon head in her hair? Please tell me you did that. Y...
She’s a firecracker, that one. She’s usually the most reasonable of the bunch, I said. The Old Man shook his head and stroked his beard. You’ve obviously not seen her angry. Ah, but I’ve seen her nake...
Look on the bright side, Foster said. If it’s not the right thing, you’ll be too dead to worry about it. Carter grimaced. Thanks, I feel much better now. There is no better way to die, than to die wit...
Everyone let out a sigh of relief as Carter came into view. Look what I found! he said as he held up the decapitated head of the other Alpha. I grimaced and said, Carter, you don’t know where that’s b...
I’m impressed you survived your childhood, Damian, Alan said. We all have our talents, I said.
It was a little odd being single and watching an old girlfriend get married. It was also pretty funny knowing at least three people in the room, besides the groom, had slept with the bride.
I worked hard not to stare when she leaned forward, showing me more cleavage as she laughed. I’d consider my effort not to stare a moderate success.
I stared at my sister as she started walking back to us. Blood ran down her chin and was splattered across her face. He’s dead, she said. Thank you, Captain Obvious, I said.
How can you make jokes after learning such things? You learn to laugh, or you paint the walls with your brains. But what I said was, It’s how we cope.
Good for naps, Alan said, stretching his legs out with a lazy smile. I gave Alan a slow nod. You’ve learned my most secret of secrets. You can never leave here alive. Just ignore him, Alan said. He ha...
Have you ever eaten meat on a Friday? Mike asked as the stairs echoed beneath our footsteps. What? I said. Does cow count? Ah, then you were already going to hell, Mike said.
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