“ President Clinton signed a $10 million deal to write a book by 2003. Isn't that amazing? Yes, and get this, not only that, President Bush signed a $10 million deal to read a book by 2003. Conan O'Brien
“ Earlier today, Arnold Schwarzenegger criticized the California school system, calling it disastrous. Arnold says California's schools are so bad that its graduates are willing to vote for me. Conan O'Brien
“ According to a new survey, 40 percent of adults in Mexico say they would move to the United States if they got a chance. The number would have been higher, but the other 60 percent already live here. Conan O'Brien
“ Pamela Anderson Lee released a statement confirming that she has had her breast implants removed. Doctors say that Pamela is doing fine and that her old implants are now dating Charlie Sheen. Conan O'Brien
“ Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen. Conan O'Brien
“ The U.S. army confirmed that it gave a lucrative fire fighting contract in Iraq to the firm once run by the Vice President Dick Cheney without any competitive bidding. When asked if this could be conc… Conan O'Brien
“ The beauty is that through disappointment you can gain clarity, and with clarity comes conviction and true originality. Conan O'Brien
“ A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.' Conan O'Brien
“ There are few things more liberating in this life than having your worst fear realized. Conan O'Brien
“ During last night's debate, John Kerry and John Edwards were so friendly to each other some political experts think that they may end up running together. In fact Kerry and Edwards were so friendly, P… Conan O'Brien
“ This Halloween, the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him. Conan O'Brien
“ A study in the Washington Post says that women havebetter verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh. Conan O'Brien
“ It is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique. It's not easy, but if you accept your misfortune and handle it right your perceived failure can become a… Conan O'Brien
