Look, I’ve always had an empty place in my life that I’ve alternatively tried to fill with food and penises, but now I have something.
Kayso, it turns out that driving an actual car is way harder than it is in 'Grand Theft Auto: Zombie Hooker Smackdown.
It was an eight-harlot inn, if that's how you measure an inn. (I understand that now they measure inns in stars. We are in a four-star inn right now. I don't know what the conversion from harlots to s...
I'm just going to try to save the woman I love, and that's as good as the world to me.
I want to be Moses. You can’t. Why not? I have the stick. Oh.
I hope you are not here to ask me to do my bawdy business- the monkey has a nosebleed and the circus, sir, is closed.
He slowed to a walk. As he approached her he was surprised at just how pretty she was. She looked a little like Maureen O'Hara in those old pirate movies. His writer's mind kicked in and he thought, T...
Get in, get out, and nobody gets hurt, as Uncle Harlan always said, something he picked up in Vietnam.
For a while he'd tried molding himself into the tragic Romantic hero, brooding and staring clench-jawed off into space as he composed dark verse in his head. But it turned out that trying to appear tr...
Finding her boyfriend tied naked to an upright bed frame, covered in blood, with a dead, blue dominatrix at his feet would be enough to rattle some women’s confidence in the stability of their relatio...
Fate does not favor the dim.
Drowned, dead, duplicitous slut!
Cry havoc, and let slip the trousers of most outrageous bonkilation!
Charlie found himself affecting the Emperor's formal speech patterns, as if somehow he had been transported to a royal court where a nobleman was distinguished by the crumbs in his beard and the royal...
Blessed are the dumbfucks.
Any freedom that can be given can be taken away.
Andrew Lloyd Webber's version of the Kool-Aid jingle is at once chilling and evocative. Donny Osmond is brilliant as James Jones.
A question asked in earnest deserves an earnest answer.
But to remain historically accurate, I would have had to leave out an important question that I felt needed to be addressed, which is, 'What if Jesus had known kung fu?
His hero Millet had admonished. Auguste Renoir had told him. Ah, but what they hadn't said, hadn't warned him about, was you could see.