CALVIN:Our hero regains consciousness at the feet of a sarcastic alien.
Sleepwalking?Nightmare?Homicidal psycho jungle cat!
Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer.... Who'd have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entert...
Hobbes: Whatcha doin'?Calvin: Getting rich!Hobbes: Really?Calvin: Yep. I'm writing a self-help book! There's a huge market for this stuff.Calvin: First you convince people there's something wrong with...
Girls are like slugs—they probably serve some purpose, but it's hard to imagine what.
Childhood is for spoiling adulthood.
Calvin: Trick or Treat!Adult: Where's your costume? What are you supposed to be?Calvin: I'm yet another resource-consuming kid in an overpopulated planet, raised to an alarming extent by Madison Avenu...
CALVIN:As usual goodness hardly puts up a fight.
They say the world is a stage. But obviously the play is unrehearsed and everybody is ad-libbing his lines.
Their textbooks would show me in grim illustration,The most hideous thing even seen in creation!
The score is still Q to 12!
It's a magical world, Hobbes, ol' buddy... Let's go exploring!
I try to make everyone's day a little more surreal.
I think life should be more like TV. I think all of life's problems ought to be solved in 30 minutes with simple homilies, don't you? I think weight and oral hygiene ought to be our biggest concerns....
A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day.
CALVIN:When I grow up I want to be an inventor. First I will invent a time machine. Then I'll come back to yesterday and take myself to tomorrow and skip this dumb assignment.
You never know when some crazed rodent with cold feet could be running loose in your pants.
Wake up, get up… Shut up. Listen up… Throw up…Mix up, Goof up… Hurry up…
Today for show & tell, I've brought in some flash cards I made. Each card has a letter followed by several dashes. When I show the card, you yell out the vulgar, obscene or blasphemous word they stand...
Things I will never like: 1. Drying off with a cold, damp towel. 2. The feeling of seaweed wrapping around my legs. 3. Anything that was popular in the 70's. 4. Licorice, yam, or raisins. 5. That high...