I don't think I'd have been in such a hurry to reach adulthood if I'd known the whole thing was going to be ad-libbed.
Hey Susie Derkins, is that your face, or is a 'possum stuck in your collar?
CALVIN:This whole Santa Claus thing just doesn't make sense. Why all the secrecy? Why all the mystery?If the guy exists why doesn't he ever show himself and prove it?And if he doesn't exist what's the...
At school, new ideas are thrust at you every day. Out in the world, you'll have to find your inner motivation to seek for new ideas on your own.
This is where dad burried the little raccoon.I don't even know he existed a few days ago and now he's gone forever. It's like I found him for no reason. I had to say good-bye as soon as I said hello.S...
How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food and beer conglomerates. Who'd have ever guessed product consumption, popular entertainment and spirituality would mix so...
Dad says that the anticipation of having something is often more fun than actually having it - Calvin
CALVIN:Our hero regains consciousness at the feet of a sarcastic alien.
Yakka foob mog. Grug pubbawup zink wattoom gazork. Chumble spuzz. I love loopholes.
Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer.... Who'd have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entert...
Girls are like slugs—they probably serve some purpose, but it's hard to imagine what.
Calvin: Trick or Treat!Adult: Where's your costume? What are you supposed to be?Calvin: I'm yet another resource-consuming kid in an overpopulated planet, raised to an alarming extent by Madison Avenu...
CALVIN:When I grow up I want to be an inventor. First I will invent a time machine. Then I'll come back to yesterday and take myself to tomorrow and skip this dumb assignment.
Wake up, get up… Shut up. Listen up… Throw up…Mix up, Goof up… Hurry up…
Their textbooks would show me in grim illustration,The most hideous thing even seen in creation!
I think life should be more like TV. I think all of life's problems ought to be solved in 30 minutes with simple homilies, don't you? I think weight and oral hygiene ought to be our biggest concerns....
Hobbes: Whatcha doin'?Calvin: Getting rich!Hobbes: Really?Calvin: Yep. I'm writing a self-help book! There's a huge market for this stuff.Calvin: First you convince people there's something wrong with...
A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day.
Today for show & tell, I've brought in some flash cards I made. Each card has a letter followed by several dashes. When I show the card, you yell out the vulgar, obscene or blasphemous word they stand...
Things I will never like: 1. Drying off with a cold, damp towel. 2. The feeling of seaweed wrapping around my legs. 3. Anything that was popular in the 70's. 4. Licorice, yam, or raisins. 5. That high...