Good luck is a lazy man's estimate of a worker's success.
The man who boasts he never made a mistake is often married to the woman who did.
The last word in an argument is what a wife has. Anything a husband says after that is the beginning of another argument.
No woman ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes.
I don't like being best man at a wedding 'cause there's no way to prove it.
Before criticizing your wife's faults remember that they may have prevented her from getting a better husband.
A big advantage of being bald is that you can style your hair with a damp cloth.
Good children's literature appeals not only to the child in the adult but to the adult in the child.
The other night while lying on a couch I reviewed the high point of my life and fell asleep!
Strange how much you've got to know Before you know how little you know.
Thou art weighed in the balances and art found wanting.
Honour follows those who flee it.
I get my exercise being a pallbearer for those of my friends who believed in regular running and calisthenics.
To improve your memory lend people money.
Happiness consists of living each day as if it were the first day of your honeymoon and the last day of your vacation.
O death where is thy sting? O grave where is thy victory?
God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things that are mighty.
Friends are folks who excuse you when you have made a fool of yourself.
There are two kinds of people in the world: those who come into a room and say "Here I am!" and those who come in and say "Oh there you are."
Good company upon the road is the shortest cut.