I asked my instructor how I could cut ten strokes off my score. He told me to quit on hole 17!
I get confused with all the rules in golf. Let's say you're playing in L.A. and your ball lands on a dead body. Is your relief one or two club lengths?
My golf has really improved even though my score hasn't. I'm missing the ball much closer now.
Gimme: An agreement between two losers who can't putt.
The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.
Golf is not a matter of life or death. It is much more important than that.
player: Can I reach it with a five iron? caddie: Eventually.
Golf and sex: Two things you can really enjoy without being that good at them.
Golf is a good preoccupation but as the meaning of life ... it lacks a few things.
By the time a man can afford to lose a golf ball he can't hit that far.
This guy is such an obvious cheater that once when he had a hole in one he wrote down zero on his scorecard.
Golf is like a love affair: if you don't take it seriously it's no fun if you do take it seriously it breaks your heart.
I don't say my golf game is bad but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced.
If people focused on life's really important matters there'd be a shortage of golf clubs.
I'm not playing with my brother-in-law today. Would you play with a man who improves his lie and cheats on his score? Well neither would he!
I used to want to shoot my age. Now I would just like to shoot my temperature.
What a terrible round. I only hit two good balls all day and that was when I stepped on a rake in a bunker.
Men are very confident people. Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to.
Stated to a running back after an overly exuberant display of celebration: Next time you make a touchdown act like you've been there before.
Nobody in football should be called a genius. Football players are not like Norman Einstein.
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