But in his experience it was only a matter of time before the normal balance of the universe restored itself and started doing the usual terrible things to him.
Between every rational moment were a billion irrational ones.
Before you can kill the monster you have to say its name.
Barbarism? Hah! When we kills people we do it there and then, lookin' 'em in the eye, and we'd be happy to buy 'em a drink in the next world, no harm done. I never knew a barbarian who cut up people s...
As far as Death was aware, the sole reason for any human association with pigs and lambs was as a prelude to chops and sausages. Quite why they should dress up for children’s wallpaper as well was a m...
Ankh-Morpork! Pearl of cities! This is not a completely accurate description, of course — it was not round and shiny — but even its worst enemies would agree that if you had to liken Ankh-Morpork to a...
And when in doubt, take all your clothes off,' said Caleb. 'What for?' 'Sign of a good berserk, taking all your clothes off. Frightens the hell out of the enemy. If anyone starts laughing, stab 'em on...
And what had he wanted? He'd never sat down to think about it. But mostly, he wanted yesterday to be different from today.
And personalities define themselves in terms of other personalities.
And it came to pass that in time the Great God Om spake unto Brutha, the Chosen One: Psst!
All libraries, everywhere, are connected by the bookworm holes in space created by the strong space-time distortions found around any large collections of books. Only a very few librarians learn the s...
All around him people were eating their unfood wih, if not actual evidence of enjoyment, then with no more actual disgust than was to be found in burger chains all over the planet. He stood up, took h...
Ah, said Mr Pin. Right. I remember. You are concerned citizens. He knew about concerned citizens. Wherever they were, they all spoke the same private language, where 'traditional values' meant 'hang s...
After my wife was killed in that pogrom in Russia, I came to England with only my tools, and when I saw the white cliffs of Dover, alone without my wife, I said, God, today I don’t believe in you anym...
Admittedly he was listening to a Best of Queen tape, but no conclusions should be drawn from this because all tapes left in a car for more than about a fortnight metamorphose into Best of Queen albums...
Ach, people are always telling us not to do things said Rob Anybody, that's how we ken the most interesting things to do.
AAaargwannawannaaaagongongonaargggaaaaBLOON! which is the traditional sound of a very small child learning that with balloons, as with life itself, it is important to know when not to let go of the st...
A month went by quickly. It didn't want to hang around.
One day when I was a young boy on holiday in Uberwald I was walking along the bank of a stream when I saw a mother otter with her cubs. A very endearing sight, I'm sure you'll agree, and even as I wat...
Hey, let me tell you about the weirdness, like when he was staying with us for the editing, and we heard a noise and went into his room and two of our white doves had got in and couldn't get out; they...