“ Men read maps better than women because only men can understand the concept of an inch equaling a hundred miles. Roseanne Barr
“ To expect life to treat you good is foolish as hoping a bull won't hit you because you are a vegetarian. Roseanne Barr
“ A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of all the stuff his mom did to him. And then you gotta get rid of all that macho crap that they pick up from beer commercials. And then th… Roseanne Barr
“ Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself. Roseanne Barr
“ The one who cares the most wins. ... That's how I knew I'd end up with everyone else waving the white flags and not me. That's how I knew I'd be the last person standing when it was all over. ... I ca… Roseanne Barr
“ Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive? Roseanne Barr
“ I'm a farmer now, and it's fantastic. My goal is to be totally self-sufficient and grow everything that I eat. There's something about earning your dinner that's cool. Roseanne Barr
“ I survived my childhood by birthing many separate identities to stand in for one another in times of great stress and fear. Roseanne Barr
“ As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job. Roseanne Barr
“ My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel. Roseanne Barr
“ Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself. Roseanne Barr
“ Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with. Roseanne Barr
“ Why have I been chosen to deliver the message of female intelligence and its divinity to a deaf world of males? I have asked my god that question and She answered, 'Hey, why not you Roseanne?' Indeed,… Roseanne Barr
“ I was raised on government cheese. As an adult, in my first marriage, my husband and I worked real hard just to go bankrupt. I happened to write some jokes about it. I did real well for myself. Roseanne Barr
“ I figure when my husband comes home from work, if the kids are still alive, then I've done my job. Roseanne Barr
