But I feel like, if you have every material good you want, you’re probably doing well enough to plan a honeymoon that is within your means. Because a honeymoon is, after all, a sex vacation you’re giv...
Bennifer was so big it was as though two people had never been in love before, and they had discovered it.
As it is, I guess I find Jack & Diane a little disgusting. As a child of immigrant professionals, I can’t help but notice the wasteful frivolity of it all.
Anyone who knows me even slightly will recognize how unusual that is, since I am notorious for making impassioned speeches about things nobody cares about. Like, I think it’s a federal crime parking m...
Always Wear Flats and Have Your Friends Sleep Over: A Step-by-Step How-To Guide for Avoiding Getting Murdered
All women love Colin Firth: Mr. Darcy, Mark Darcy, George VI—at this point he could play the Craigslist Killer and people would be like, 'Oh my God, the Craigslist Killer has the most boyish smile!
A honeymoon is, after all, a sex vacation you're giving yourself after a massive party in your honor.
Thank you, Teach for America! Luring away America’s finest minds so that the rest of us can snatch up their jobs.)
Want a guy who is a feminist, someone who knows that all that means is that men and women are equal. A man who admires strong women, like Hillary Clinton or Ruth Bader Ginsburg. But not that really ac...
If someone really wants to see you, they always find a way. Always.
Confidence is like respect; you have to earn it.
Work hard, know your shit, show your shit, and then feel entitled.
With my friends, the sad truth is that our best best friend days are behind us. In college, we used to be able to meet each other in the common area of our off-campus housing, excited about our evenin...
When we graduated high school, she went to the Cooper Union in Manhattan to pursue her love of set design, and I went to Dartmouth to pursue my love of white people and North Face parkas.
When Your Boyfriend Fits into Your Jeans and Other Atrocities
When I arrived at Dartmouth College in 1997, my attitude towards alcohol was that it was that it was a delicious and dangerous treat that, when obtained, needed to be ingested quickly in case someone...
What’s so wrong with effort, anyway? It means you care.
What? I have a cold. Don’t get a look of terror on your face. The worst that could happen is that you’ll get a cold, too. You don’t have to theatrically Purell a thousand times a day and look all pani...
What I didn't need was some hot-and-cold long-distance flake wasting my time. It hurt my feelings and made me feel like something was wrong with me.
There was just Mavis and me, but it never seemed lonely because we never stopped talking. I could have an argument, in earnest, about who was the best Kid in the Hall, without having to explain who th...