“ I take my only exercise acting as a pallbearer at the funerals of my friends who exercise regularly. Mark Twain
“ Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. Mark Twain
“ The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug. Mark Twain
“ There is no unhappiness like the misery of sighting land again after a cheerful careless voyage. Mark Twain
“ I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead Spenser is dead so is Milton so is Shakespeare and I'm not feeling so… Mark Twain
“ The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are in the wrong. Nearly everybody will side with you when you are in the right. Mark Twain
“ Satan must have been pretty simple, even according to the New Testament, or he wouldn't have led Christ up on a high mountain and offered him the world if he would fall down and worship him. That was… Mark Twain
“ Drag your thoughts awayfrom your troubles...by the ears, by the heels,or any other way you can manage it. Mark Twain
“ That's just the way: a person does a low-down thing, and then he don't want to take no consequences of it. Thinks as long as he can hide it, it ain't no disgrace. Mark Twain
“ One frequently only finds out how really beautiful a women is, until after considerable acquaintance with her. Mark Twain
“ One should never use exclamation points in writing. It is like laughing at your own joke. Mark Twain
“ Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress but I repeat myself. Mark Twain
“ Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. Mark Twain
“ What a good thing Adam had. When he said a good thing he knew nobody had said it before. Mark Twain
“ I wish to become rich so that I can instruct the people and glorify honest poverty a little like those kind-hearted fat benevolent people do. Mark Twain
