“ We need to listen carefully to the wisdom of our symptoms and to try to decode their meaning, because some of us have learned to settle, to fall silent; to deny that unfair circumstances exist or matt… Harriet Lerner
“ We may believe that anxiety and fear don't concern us because we avoid experiencing them. We may keep the scope of our lives narrow and familiar, opting for sameness and safety. We may not even know t… Harriet Lerner
“ If you pay attention, you may find that it is not fear that stops you from doing the brave and true thing in your daily life. Rather, the problem is avoidance. You want to feel comfortable, so you avo… Harriet Lerner
“ Intimate relationships cannot substitute for a life plan but to have any meaning or viability at all a life plan must include intimate relationships. Harriet Lerner
“ Shame is paralyzing and debilitating. It invites us not to be heard, at least not in an authentic way. Acting courageously when shame enters the picture requires extraordinary courage because people w… Harriet Lerner
“ But one of the hallmarks of emotional maturity is to recognize the validity of multiple realities and to understand that people think, feel, and react differently. Often we behave as if closeness mean… Harriet Lerner
“ But here is the real point when it comes to the challenge of apologies in family relationships. If our intention is to have a better relationship, we need to be our best and most mature self, rather t… Harriet Lerner
“ Öfkemizle yaptığımız şey istenen sonucu sağlamıyorsa, en mantıklısı başka bir şey denemektir. Harriet Lerner
“ Working on key emotional issues at their source, lays the groundwork for more solid intimate relationships in the present or future. Harriet Lerner
“ Experience of our self and the other person becomes fixed and small. My goal is to challenge us to engage in novel conversations that will create a larger, more empowering view of who we are and what… Harriet Lerner
“ The strongest relationships are between two people who can live without each other but don't want to. Harriet Lerner
“ We cannot make another person change his or her steps to an old dance, but if we change our own steps, the dance no longer can continue in the same predictable pattern. 4. Harriet Lerner
“ Of course, adult life is not always so simple. Some issues need to be revisited—not dropped—and talk is essential to this process. We need words to begin to heal betrayals, inequalities, and ruptured… Harriet Lerner
“ If you treat man as he appears to be, you make him worse than he is. But if you treat man as if he already were what he potentially could be, you make him what he should be. Harriet Lerner
“ Countless self-help books, blogs and seminars promise relief from suffering, when pain and suffering are as much part of life as happiness and joy.The only way to avoid being mistreated in this world… Harriet Lerner
“ Control is an illusion—a fact you will learn very fast if you become ill, or have things fall apart in some other way. When we understand vulnerability and suffering as an essential part of being huma… Harriet Lerner
“ It is no wonder that it is hard for us to know, let alone admit, that we are angry. Why are angry women so threatening to others? If we are guilty, depressed, or self-doubting, we stay in place. We do… Harriet Lerner
“ Likewise, the other person has a right to know us accurately, to consider the relationship and make plans for the future based on facts, not fantasies or projections. Harriet Lerner
“ All of us are vulnerable to intense, non-productive angry reactions in our current relationships if we do not deal openly and directly with emotional issues from our first family—in particular, losses… Harriet Lerner
