Arranged all the tins in the cupboard so that the labels were facing forwards in zetabetical order.
Whilst I am neither stylish nor fashionable, I am always clean; that way, at least, I can hold my head up when I take my place, however unexalted, in the world.
When you’re struggling hard to manage your own emotions, it becomes unbearable to have to witness other people’s,
When I answered the door, he was holding a bottle of Irn-Bru and a bag of jelly babies.
There was, it seemed, no Eleanor-shaped social hole for me to slot into.
There are days when I feel so lightly connected to the earth that the threads that tether me to the planet are gossamer thin, spun sugar. A strong gust of wind could dislodge me completely, and I’d li...
The crematorium was a busy place and the parking spaces were needed, I supposed. I’m not sure I’d like to be burned. I think I might like to be fed to zoo animals. It would be both environmentally fri...
She only really enjoyed her own company. She tolerated mine, but fundamentally she was a recluse at heart, like J.D. Salinger or the Unabomber.
Obscenity is the distinguishing hallmark of a sadly limited vocabulary.
Nine years, and you've never had a day off sick, never used all your annual leave. That's dedication, you know. It's not easy to find these days.It's not dedication, I said. I simply have a very robus...
Mummy’s a bad person,’ I said. ‘Really bad. I know that, I’ve always known that. And I wondered … do you think I might be bad too? People inherit all sorts of things from their parents, don’t they – v...
Life should be about trying new things, exploring boundaries, I reminded
I’m familiar with the concept of bacchanalia and Dionysian revels, of course, but it strikes me as utterly bizarre that women should want to spend an evening together drinking and purchasing such item...
It often feels as if I’m not here, that I’m a figment of my own imagination. There are days when I feel so lightly connected to the earth that the threads that tether me to the planet are gossamer thi...
In the end, what matters is this: I survived. I gave him a very small smile. I survived, Raymond! I said, knowing that I was both lucky and unlucky, and grateful for it.
In most professions, getting older means getting better at your job, earning respect because of your seniority and experience. If your job depends on your looks, the opposite is true—how depressing. S...
If often feels as if I'm not here, that I'm a figment of my own imagination. There are days when I feel so lightly connected to the earth that the threads that tether me to the planet are gossamer thi...
I was in a fast-food restaurant for the first time in my adult life, an enormous and garish place just around the corner from the music venue. It was mystifyingly, inexplicably busy. I wondered why hu...
I wanted to die – this time, in addition to actually wanting to die, I meant it in the metaphorical sense too. Oh, come on now, I thought to myself, almost amused; just how desperately, on how many le...
I heard myself sounding angry and sad. No one likes hearing themselves sound like that. If someone said, Please could you describe yourself in two words, and you said, Erm . . . let me see . . . Angry...