“ She had the look in her eye when you kick and kick at the door and it doesn't open, when you write a boy letters and letters and he never loves you, not ‘til the day he dies. Not even then. Daniel Handler
“ If he’s not gay and he hung out with you the whole time, he wanted to be. It’s boyfriend or want to be boyfriend or I guess gay. Those are the choices. Daniel Handler
“ Phil Needle stood in the parking lot, suddenly grasping that this was so, that nothing is lost in a world utterly mapped, that nothing is rogue with everything cross-pollinated, as the shouts on the b… Daniel Handler
“ You can’t mind these things, you just can’t, for to dislike what makes a person human is to dislike all humans. Daniel Handler
“ This teaching job did not pay a lot of money, because, let's face it, nobody gives a flying fuck about education, but it was a temporary position. Daniel Handler
“ All over the world are particular people, and you could be happy with probably five or six of them, eight if you're bisexual and everyone is. Daniel Handler
“ Phillip Murray and Wanda Saxton meet in the last scene under the rainy awning, their wrong wife and fiance finally story-lined away, and walk out together into the downpour - we know from the first sc… Daniel Handler
“ We thought we had time. I waved but couldn't answer, because I was finally letting myself grin as wide as I'd wanted all afternoon, all evening, every sec of every minute with you, Ed. Shit, I guess I… Daniel Handler
“ There were a million things, everything, I didn't know. I was stupid, the official descriptive phrase for happy. I took this thing I'm giving you back, this thing you gave me as the star we were waiti… Daniel Handler
“ You winked, took the change. I should have seen it, Ed, as a sign that you were unreliable. Instead, I saw it as a sign of charming, which is why I didn't break it off right then and there. Daniel Handler
“ I'm nothing, not a single thing. The only particle I had, the only tiny thing raising me up, is that I was Ed Slaterton's girlfriend, loved by you for like ten secs, and who cares, so what, and not an… Daniel Handler
“ Here we are at the bottom, almost empty. It's like confetti, these dried remnants you find in the street for a party no one invited you to. But they used to be, I can admit, part of something beautifu… Daniel Handler
“ I'm writing it in a letter, the whole truth of why it happened. And the truth is that I goddamn loved you so much. Daniel Handler
“ I'm a lunatic wandering around for scraps, I'm like every single miserable moron I've scorned, and pretended I didn't recognize. I'm all of them, every last ugly thing in a bad last-minute costume. I'… Daniel Handler
“ The file clanked against me, my stupid idea nobody would have gotten had I ever done it. You even wouldn't have gotten it, Ed, I thought, watching her go. It's why we broke up, so here it is. Ed, how… Daniel Handler
“ I guess it's funny how life turns out?" she tried. "Not last I checked," Errol said with a snort. Daniel Handler
“ She was all the world’s money, and I would spend it with her, my sharpest friend who changed the tide, my only comfort from the brutal gamble of the world and the wicked ways of men. Daniel Handler
“ For every girl I thought I was uncomplicated sex, it wasn't. Put it this way: if you can't see the complication, you're probably it. Daniel Handler
“ There are so many movies like this, where you thought you were smarter than the screen but the director was smarter than you, of course he's the one, of course it was a dream, of course she's dead, of… Daniel Handler
