Marla shouts to the police that the girl who lives in 8G used to be a lovely charming girl, but the girl is a monster bitch monster. The girl is infectious human waste, and she's confused and afraid t...
Life insurance pays off triple if you die on a business trip. I prayed for wind shear effect. I prayed for pelicans sucked into the turbines and loose bolts and ice on the wings. On takeoff, as the pl...
Just let your hand drop; and let fate decide for you.
Just for the record, the weather today is calm and sunny, but the air is full of bullshit.
Jump to one time, late one night, driving between Nowhere, Wyoming, and WhoKnowsWhere, Montana, when Seth says how your being born makes your parents God. You owe them your life, and they can control...
It’s worth noting up front that I have always conceived of my mind as a digestive organ. A stomach for processing knowledge, if you will. As a looping, wrinkled mass, a human brain unmistakably looks...
It’s hard to explain to someone who’s never had the experience—the unmistakable, life-altering moment when you read a book and realize that someone out in the world has read your mind and put into wor...
It's the Marilyn Monroe school of medicine where enough of any drug will cure any disease.
It's pathetic how we can't live with the things we can't understand. How we need everything labeled and explained and deconstructed.
It's airline policy not to imply ownership in the event of a dildo. Use the indefinite article.A dildo.Never your dildo.Never say the dildo accidentally turned itself on.
It sounds trite, but only because words make everything true sound trite. Because words always screw up whatever you’re trying to say.
It sounds as if you'd like to be God.
In the world I see you are stalking elk through the damp canyon forests around the ruins of Rock feller Center. You'll wear leather clothes that will last you the rest of your life. You'll climb the w...
In the workshop where I started to write fiction, you had to read your work in public. Most times, you read in a bar or coffeehouse where you’d be competing with the roar of the espresso machine. Or t...
In a world where billions believe their deity conceived a mortal child with a virgin human, it's stunning how little imagination most people display.
Ignore how it feels when the only real talent you have is for hidding the truth. You have a God-given knack for commiting a terrible sin. It's your calling. You have a natural gift for denial. A bless...
If you're ever in a big hotel lobby, and they start to play The Blue Danube Waltz, get the hell out. Don't think. Run.
If you love something... Set it free. Just don't be surprised if it comes back with herpes
If you lose your nerve before you hit the bottom, Tyler says, you never really succeed.
If you ask me, most people have children just as their own enthusiasm about life begins to wane.