Ohio is a scale model of the entire country, jammed into 43,000 square miles. Cleveland views itself as the intellectual East (its citizens believe they have a rivalry with Boston and unironically cla...
I wake up, I feel the inescapable oppression of the sunlight pouring through my bedroom window, and I am struck by the fact that I am alone. And that everyone is alone. And that everything I understoo...
Axl Rose is the ear-cutting scene from Reservoir Dogs in human form.
Sarcasm is when you tell someone the truth by lying on purpose.
It has always been my belief that people are remembered for the sum of their accomplishments but defined by their singular failure.
Every relationship is fundamentally a power struggle, and the individual in power is whoever likes the other person less.
The message of The Winner Takes It All is straightforward: It argues that the concept of relationships ending on mutual terms is an emotional fallacy. One person is inevitably okay and the other is in...
It’s impossible to understand the world of today until today has become tomorrow.
It's nice to think that the weirdos get to decide what matters about the past, since it's the weirdos who care the most.
It appears that countless women born between the years of 1965 and 1978 are in love with John Cusack. I cannot fathom how he isn't the number-one box office star in America, because every straight gir...
If I were an adult, I would be drinking coffee; as it is, I'm drinking Mountain Dew.
I want fake love. But that's all I want, and that's why I can't have it.
History is defined by people who don’t really understand what they are defining.
We’re starting to behave as if we’ve reached the end of human knowledge. And while that notion is undoubtedly false, the sensation of certitude it generates is paralyzing.
The ultimate failure of the United States will probably not derive from the problems we see or the conflicts we wage. It will more likely derive from our uncompromising belief in the things we conside...
Now, obviously, all old people seem cool whenever we see black-and-white images of their younger selves. It's human nature to inject every old picture with positive abstractions. We can't help ourselv...
Let’s assume it was Christopher Columbus’s destiny to discover the New World, and let’s pretend he was consciously aware of that fact. What possible difference would that have made in his day-to-day l...
It starts from the premise that black connotes evil and death in all cultures and hopes to figure out if these associations influence people’s behavior in important ways. For example, does wearing bla...
I honestly believe that people of my generation despise authenticity, mostly because they're all so envious of it.
Everybody is wrong about everything, just about all the time.