Christopher Moore Quotes

Everyone is happier if they have someone to look down on, as well as someone to look up to. Especially if they resent both.

Everything is a story. What is there but stories? Stories are the only truth.

Evolution doesn’t really have a destination. It’s just dicking around with possibilities.

FYI, when I type WTF, you are supposed to read Same with OMG, and OMFG, which are and Only a completely lame Disney Channel nimnode pronounces the letters.

Getting a rise out of him was like trying to give a handjob to a parking meter: you were going to end up frustrated and exhausted long before a cop came along to haul you away.

Give in to your passions and they will lead you to the most preposterous conclusions—passions make a fool of reason.

God is a comedian playing to an audience that is afraid to laugh. VOLTAIRE

God is a comedian playing to an audience that is afraid to laugh.

He had a plan—and a bus pass with four more days left on it—so this son of a bitch had picked the wrong guy to fuck with.

He had tapped into the Zen of ignorance, the enlightenment of absurdity.

He shuffled along with the hang-dog look of the cosmically fucked.

He started skipping, but then caught himself and returned to deliberately pacing out his steps with his sheathed sword. People might ignore a tiny Japanese man in an orange porkpie hat and socks, with...

He was very desperate for Audrey not to think of him as a bad guy. Like most Beta Males, he didn’t realize that being a good guy was not necessarily an attraction to women.

Holy ripened fuckcheese!

Hope is merely another face of desire. And desire is a motherfucker.

How could you deal with a creature as devious as woman.

I don't know,' Charlie said. 'Have you gotten a good look at them? I mean, they got the badonkadonk out back and some fine bajoopbadangs up front, know what I'm sayin', dog? Buss a rock wid a playa?'...

I think I'm what they call a never-was.

If you come to a river and find a boat at the edge, you will use that boat and it will serve you well, but once across the river, do you put the boat on your shoulders and carry it with you on the res...

Joshua, my memory of Maggie isn't about what happened the night before we left. I didn't go to see her thinking that we would make love. A kiss was more than I expected. I think of Maggie because I ma...