True, I am drunk, and small, and damp, but mistake not my moistness for weakness, although there's an argument to be made for that, as well.
There's something out on the wing.Sir I can assure you that--Fuck, there's something out on the wing.Told you.
Theophilus Crowe wrote bad free-verse poetry and played a jimbai drum while sitting on a rock by the ocean. He could play sixteen chords on the guitar and knew five Bob Dylan songs all the way through...
The woman raised her voice. I said, what are you doing?Tommy kept typing and looked up. Pardon me, I was ignoring you. What did you say?What are you doing? She repeated.It's a note. Let me read it for...
The garlic bread lay there between them, steaming with implications. They, of course, must both eat it or neither could. Garlic bread meant garlic breath. There might be a kiss later, maybe more. Ther...
The entire city of Las Vegas—plastic opulence, treasure for the taking, vulgar towers, and cocktail waitresses with improbable breasts—is built on the self-delusion of the Beta Male.
The Painting is not shit,' said Lucien.'I know,' said Henri. 'That was just part of the subterfuge. I am of royal lineage; subterfuge is one of the many talents we carry in our blood, along with guile...
Sometimes, a man must muster all of his courage simply to sit still. How much humanity has been spoiled for the confusion of movement with progress, my friend? How much?
So, I guess we’re going to kill this guy, she thought. Then she said, How does Thursday look for you?
So know this, little one. Whether you are the Messiah, or you become a rabbi, or even if you are nothing more than a farmer, here is the sum of all I can teach you, and all that I know: treat others a...
People thought I was one of those people who beats their kid in department stores. Don’t be ridiculous, Charlie, people love the parents who beat their kids in department stores. It’s the ones who jus...
Normally if I met a guy who was unemployed and illiterate who hadn't bathed in a couple of weeks, I'd be standing in a puddle with excitement, but I'm sort of in a bad mood tonight, so take this bag a...
My ma had a record of that Moron Tallywacker Choir singin’ Christmas music. Sounded like someone hurtin’ a dog. I broke it and melted it on the radiator.
Joshua grinned: I think we’ll both do better than my cousin John and his ‘hold them underwater until they agree with you’ sermon.
I’m more visual than verbal, really. The painting and so forth.
I’ll be fine. The ready kit you packed covered everything, I think. In fact, I may not even need the fire extinguisher.
It's wildly irritating to have invented something as revolutionary as sarcasm, only to have it abused by amateurs.
It is accepted science that God himself gave the French the gift of their cuisine, and while he was downstairs, cursed the English with theirs.
I've got to think that that was unethical, Joshua said.Josh, faking demonic possession is like a mustard seed.How is it like a mustard seed?You don't know, do you? Doesn't seem at all like a mustard s...
I'm fucked.We're fucked. Together. Like Romeo and Juliet, only we get to be in a sequel.