Many of us will spend our entire lives trying to slog through the shame swampland to get to a place where we can give ourselves permission to both be imperfect and to believe we are enough.
Knowing what I do now, I think about shame and worthiness in this way: 'It's the album, not the picture.' If you imagine opening up a photo album, and many of the pages are full eight-by-ten photos of...
It’s always helpful to remember that when perfectionism is driving, shame is riding shotgun.
Whenever I'm faced with a vulnerable situation, I get deliberate with my intentions by repeating this to myself: Don't shrink. Don't puff up. stand your sacred ground. Saying this little mantra helps...
When you judge yourself for needing help, you judge those you are helping. When you attach value to giving help, you attach value to needing help.
When we pretend that we can avoid vulnerability we engage in behaviors that are often inconsistent with who we want to be.
When we apologize for something we’ve done, make amends, or change a behavior that doesn’t align with our values, guilt—not shame—is most often the driving force. We feel guilty when we hold up someth...
We love seeing raw truth and openness in other people, but we’re afraid to let them see it in us.
We love seeing raw truth and openness in other people, but we’re afraid to let them see it in us. We’re afraid that our truth isn’t enough—that what we have to offer isn’t enough without the bells and...
We cannot ignore our pain and feel compassion for it at the same time.
Unfortunately, being low maintenance also meant not asking for what you needed and never inconveniencing anyone.
The culture of shame is driven by fear, blame and disconnection, and it is often a powerful incubator for issues like perfectionism, stereotyping, gossiping and addiction.
The connection that we forge by judging and mocking others is not real connection,
Stay in your own lane. Comparison kills creativity and joy.
Spirituality emerged as a fundamental guidepost in Wholeheartedness. Not religiosity but the deeply held belief that we are inextricably connected to one another by a force greater than ourselves--a f...
Spiritual connection and engagement is not built on compliance, it’s the product of love, belonging, and vulnerability.
Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.
Shame can only rise so far in any system before people disengage to protect themselves. When we’re disengaged, we don’t show up, we don’t contribute, and we stop caring.
Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving for excellence. Perfectionism is not about healthy achievement and growth. Perfectionism is a defensive move. It’s the belief that if we do things perfe...
People may call what happens at midlife a crisis, but it’s not. It’s an unraveling—a time when you feel a desperate pull to live the life you want to live, not the one you’re supposed to live. The unr...