Alfie Kohn Quote

It’s been said that the personal is political, and there’s no doubt that parenting is intensely personal. To argue against traditional ways of raising children, or to suggest that we can help children stand up for what they think is right, doesn’t introduce politics into parenting. It’s always been there. If we’ve failed to notice the political implications of child rearing, it may be because most advice on the subject has the effect of perpetuating the status quo. Hence the need to keep asking, Cui bono? When, for example, a researcher such as Diana Baumrind defends the idea of moral internalization, which she defines as the process by which children come to espouse and conform to society’s rules, even when they are free of external surveillance or the expectation of external inducement, that’s intensely political.3 The cornerstone of her notion of authoritative discipline is the creation of built-in supervisors to ensure conformity. But too many people respond by asking, What’s the most efficient way to achieve such internalization? and skirting the question of the value of those rules they’re being asked to internalize. In fact, we should invite our children to join us in asking which rules are worth following, and why.