“ To love somebody is not just a strong feeling -- it is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise, writes psychologist Erich Fromm. If love were only a feeling, there would be no basis for the prom… Ada Calhoun
“ Wherever you go, there you are. You would just have different problems. Are the problems you have now so bad that any other problems would be better? Ada Calhoun
“ Dating is poetry. Marriage is a novel. There are times, maybe years, that are all exposition. Ada Calhoun
“ ...that's part of what marriage means: sometimes hating this other person but staying together because you promised you would. Ada Calhoun
“ As married people, we dwell on a spectrum between happy and unhappy, in love and out of love, and we move back and forth on that line decade by decade, year by year, week by week, even hour by hour. Ada Calhoun
“ People who don't marry miss both the pelting hardships of marriage and its warm rewards. Ada Calhoun
“ By staying married, we give something to ourselves and to others: hope. Hope that in steadfastly loving someone, we ourselves, for all our faults, will be loved; that the broken world will be made who… Ada Calhoun
“ (Personally, I have avoided many fights by going to bed angry and waking up to realize that I'd just been tired.) Ada Calhoun
“ The romantic fairy tales we grew up with -- where marriage is the happy ending rather than the opening scene -- are not useful for grown-ups. Ada Calhoun
“ I want to say that at various points in your marriage, may it last forever, you will look at this person and feel only rage. Ada Calhoun
“ So what's the secret to staying together?" I asked her. "Be nice?" she offered. I laughed, but that may be it, the way a secret to losing weight is to eat less. Be nice. Don't leave. That's all. Ada Calhoun
“ All the couples therapy and communication seminars in the world won't save you if you aren't prepared to close your eyes and hug the mainmast through a storm. Ada Calhoun
