Laurie Notaro Quote
Dr. Bone Specialist came in, made me stand up and hobble across the room, checked my reflexes, and then made me lie down on the table. He bent my right knee this way and that, up and down, all the way out to the side and in. Then he did the same with my left leg. He ordered X rays then started to leave the room. I panicked. I MUST GET DRUGS.What can I take for the pain? I asked him before he got out the door.You can take some over the counter ibuprofen, he suggested. But I wouldn't take more than nine a day.I choked. Nine a day? I'd been popping forty. Nine a day? Like hell. I couldn't even go to the bathroom on my own, I hadn't slept in three weeks, and my normally sunny cheery disposition had turned into that of a very rabid dog. If I didn't get good drugs and get them now, it was straight to Shooter's World and then Walgreens pharmacy for me.I don't think you understand, I explained. I can't go to work. I have spent the last four days with my mother who is addicted to QVC, watching jewelry shows, doll shows and make-up shows. I almost ordered a beef-jerky maker! Give me something, or I'm going to use your calf muscles to make the first batch!Without further ado, he hastily scribbled out a prescription for some codeine and was gone. I was happy.My mother, however, had lost the ability to speak.
Dr. Bone Specialist came in, made me stand up and hobble across the room, checked my reflexes, and then made me lie down on the table. He bent my right knee this way and that, up and down, all the way out to the side and in. Then he did the same with my left leg. He ordered X rays then started to leave the room. I panicked. I MUST GET DRUGS.What can I take for the pain? I asked him before he got out the door.You can take some over the counter ibuprofen, he suggested. But I wouldn't take more than nine a day.I choked. Nine a day? I'd been popping forty. Nine a day? Like hell. I couldn't even go to the bathroom on my own, I hadn't slept in three weeks, and my normally sunny cheery disposition had turned into that of a very rabid dog. If I didn't get good drugs and get them now, it was straight to Shooter's World and then Walgreens pharmacy for me.I don't think you understand, I explained. I can't go to work. I have spent the last four days with my mother who is addicted to QVC, watching jewelry shows, doll shows and make-up shows. I almost ordered a beef-jerky maker! Give me something, or I'm going to use your calf muscles to make the first batch!Without further ado, he hastily scribbled out a prescription for some codeine and was gone. I was happy.My mother, however, had lost the ability to speak.
Related Quotes
About Laurie Notaro
She co-founded Planet Magazine, and was a senior editor at Tucson Monthly, a full-color city magazine. Notaro was a columnist for ten years at The Arizona Republic. In October 2001, her book The Idiot Girls’ Action Adventure Club was picked up by Random House, which resulted in eleven books. She published with Simon & Schuster with Crossing the Horizon and Potty Mouth at the Table. Her latest book, Excuse Me While I Disappear, is published by Little A and is a collection of musings on a Gen X-er becoming an AARP-er. Numerous articles, essays, and novels have followed, and she was a finalist for The Thurber Award for American Humor. She has written for The New York Times, Glamour, Oprah, BARK Magazine, USA Today, Village Voice Media, and BUST.
Notaro was raised in Phoenix, Arizona, She graduated from Arizona State University with a degree in journalism. She currently lives in Eugene, Oregon with her husband.