Cell phones were like those security guys in red shirts on old Star Trek: as soon as something started happening, they were always the first to go.
Butters, he said. Look. I know it’s hard. But there’s one way you deal with fear. How? I asked him. You stand up and you kick it in the fucking teeth,
But mostly, it ends badly when wizards try to stay too close to their kin.
But just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean that there isn’t an invisible demon about to eat your face.
But even with centuries of experience, I doubted any of them had ever been hit with a water balloon. Or with a holy-water balloon, either.
Booya! I drunkenly howled from the ground. I choked a little on the dust as I staggered back to my feet, my heart pounding, my whole body alive with strain and adrenaline. I stabbed a pointing finger...
Bob, I asked. What is all my stuff doing here? Oh, Bob said. That. Well. Bianca got the idea, somewhere, that your stuff might explode if anyone messed around with it. I heard the wryness in my voice,...
Bob, I said over my shoulder. Tell her it's me.Can't, Bob said in a dreamy tone. Boobs.
Black wizards don't just grow up like toadstools, you know. Someone has to teach them complicated things like summoning demons, ritual magic, and clichéd villain dialogue.
Billy squinted at me. Why are you letting them go?Because they're real.How do you know?The one I was holding crapped on my hand.
Bikers don’t wear all that leather around simply for the fashion value or possible felony assaults. It’s handy for keeping the highway from ripping the skin from your flesh should you wind up losing c...
Because even if they are doing something immoral, I'd be an idiot to start criticizing them for it if I wasn't perfect myself. Smoking is self-destructive. Drinking is self-destructive. Losing your te...
Because Thomas is too pretty to die. And because I'm too stubborn to die. And most of all because tomorrow is Oktoberfest, Butters, and polka will never die
Beards grow out so fast that if you shave every day, there isn’t much of a window for anyone to use them against you—and shaved stubble is too diffuse to make a decent channel anyway.
At the moment I was mad enough to chew up nails and spit out paper clips.
At five feet and small change, a hundred and not much, she didn’t exactly look like a tough Chicago cop who could face down monsters and maniacs with equal nerve. Chicks like that aren’t supposed to b...
As a race, we’re an enormous bunch of idiots. We’re more than capable of ignoring facts if the conclusions they lead to make us too uncomfortable. Or afraid.
Anger is my hiding place from fear, my shield and my sword against it. I
And as I looked at him, I suddenly felt, for the very first time in my life, utterly, entirely alone. That something was gone that would never return, that a little hole had been hollowed out inside o...
And I'm the tool, I muttered. Then I thought about it, sighed, and shook my head. One day, I told myself, one brave and magnificent day, I will actually be cool.