Can't stand all these poisonous creatures, all these snakes and insects and fish and things. Wretched things, biting everybody. And then people expect me to tell them what to do about it. I'll tell th...
[The Head of Radio Three] had been ensnared by the Music Director of the college and a Professor of Philosophy. These two were busy explaining to the harassed man that the phrase too much Mozart was,...
You know, said Arthur, it's at times like this, when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I'd listened to what m...
You have a time machine and you use it for... watching television?Well, I wouldn't use it at all if I could get the hang of the video recorder.
What a wonderfully exciting cough,' said the little man, quite startled by it, 'do you mind if I join you?' And with that he launched into the most extraordinary and spectacular fit of coughing which...
Vogon poetry is of course, the third worst in the universe. The second worst is that of the Azgoths of Kria. During a recitation by their poet master Grunthos the Flatulent of his poem Ode to a Small...
Totally mad,' he said, 'utter nonsense. But we'll do it because it's brilliant nonsense.
The argument goes something like this: ‘I refuse to prove that I exist,’ says God, ‘for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing.’ ‘But,’ says Man, ‘the Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn’t...
The air was stifling, but he liked it because it was stifling city air, full of excitingly unpleasant smells, dangerous music, and the distant sound of warring police tribes.
Shee, you guys are so unhip it's a wonder your bums don't fall off.
Several billion trillion tons of superhot exploding hydrogen nuclei rose slowly above the horizon and managed to look small, cold and slightly damp.
Rule Six: The winning team shall be the first team that wins.
Now the world has gone to bed,Darkness won't engulf my head,I can see by infrared,How I hate the night.Now I lay me down to sleep,Try to count electric sheep,Sweet dream wishes you can keep,How I hate...
NO ADMITTANCE.NOT EVEN TO AUTHORISED PERSONNEL.YOU ARE WASTING YOUR TIME HERE.GO AWAY.
It {Darwin's theory of evolution] was a concept of such stunning simplicity, but it gave rise, naturally, to all of the infinite and baffling complexity of life. The awe it inspired in me made the awe...
It is most gratifying, it said, that your enthusiasm for our planet continues unabated, and so we would like to assure you that the guided missiles currently converging with your ship are part of a sp...
It is known that there are an infinite number of worlds, simply because there is an infinite amount of space for them to be in. However, not every one of them is inhabited. Therefore, there must be a...
It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes.
It can be very dangerous to see things from somebody else's point of view without the proper training.
In astrology the rules happen to be about stars and planets, but they could be about ducks and drakes for all the difference it would make. It's just a way of thinking about a problem which lets the s...