Craig Schaefer Quotes

He held out his hand. Give it to me, he hissed as his fingernails lengthened into claws. If you insist, I said. Then I shot him in the face.

He was a rogue agent, acting without my prince’s sanction. Also, we wrote a letter of apology. Don’t know what else you want from us. That’s funny, I said. I didn’t get one. Did you send it to my old...

He was convinced that he could steal a human’s life force, drain their soul dry, and use that power to turn himself into the Garden’s conduit and master. It was very trial and error, though. Several h...

His eyes bulged. How the hell…who are you people? She’s the right hand of a demon prince, I told him, and I’m her boyfriend. Probably should have found that out before you blasted me with a fire hose,...

I chuckled. Yeah, okay. He relaxed, sinking back in his chair, mirroring my smile. But you know the old saying, I told him. His brow furrowed. What old saying? Two people can keep a secret, I said, if...

I didn’t murder Carl Holt, but to be fair, I had been planning on it. My girlfriend got to him first. She snapped his neck and left him dead on his partner’s kitchen floor. I just burned the house dow...

I gave Caitlin a look. She shrugged. Don’t know what you want me to say, Caitlin said. I don’t understand why humans get so worked up over killing in the first place. This is pest control. You kill hi...

I gave him the list of what I needed. Brisco squinted at me. How is that gonna help? Didn’t you ever watch MacGyver? That guy could make bombs out of paper clips and chewing gum. Yeah, but…you aren’t...

I knew a junkie when I saw one, and this guy was a long-term member of the heroin weight-loss program.

I moved low across the lawn, keeping it smooth and quiet. I didn’t expect a lot of resistance—professional grave robbing, as a career, was about a hundred years past its sell-by date—but I figured the...

I nearly dropped my fork. Say that again? Human servants, so we can go where— No, not that, the second part. The stupid part. You guys are actually Satanists? Like real, no-kidding, play your heavy me...

I promised Coop two things before he died, I said. One, I’d get his cut of the score to his wife. Two, I’d send Stanwyck to hell where he belongs. I’m keeping those promises. The latter, Caitlin said...

I will try to contact Caine, he said, but I can’t guarantee— That’s it, hanging up. See ya in hell, Alton. Wait! Wait, wait, wait! I’ll do it. I’ll call Caine right now and give the order. He fell sil...

If you want to be human, you’d better go buy a house in the suburbs, play golf, and cheat on your taxes, because that’s the closest you’re ever gonna get.

It’s not all sex work, of course. Any business of that size needs support and grounds staff— Gee, Mom. Melanie’s voice dripped with sarcasm. Can I get a summer job there? I’ll be the best jizz-mopper...

It’s you, Pix. You and everybody like you. Everybody who reaches out a hand when they don’t have to. Everybody who helps somebody get up on their feet, or gets in the way of a fist so somebody weaker...

I’d rather be hopeful and wrong than jaded and right.

I’m taking my cash and going somewhere with sunny skies, frosty drinks, and no extradition treaty with the US.

Jenny sends her best, Margaux said. With Nicky being Nicky and Agent Black being, well, everywhere, it’s not safe for her to leave Vegas right now.

Just one question: how did you break the curse? Easy, I said. C’mon, sentenced to life in prison? That’s how I knew something was fishy. You would have moved heaven and earth to get me out of here. Be...