One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.

There is no need to masturbate your brain, just to ejaculate your thoughts all over the place

Ish #153 "Artificial plants grow best in artificial light.

Even if you haven't had the exclusivity conversation, they're still going to be mad if they find out you're dating someone they know and you haven't mentioned it. It's a dating rule." "Well, how am I...

You are only limited by your own imagination

Luck is the bastard child of Fate and Destiny.

If I had wanted children of my own, I would have gotten married. If I had wanted to get married, I would have fallen in love. If I had wanted to fall in love, I would have met the right girl. If I had...

Steampunk is nothing more than what happens when Goths discover brown.

oh, my God," I whispered. "But how did they get my photo?Alex tapped his mouth with his thumb. "That ...book with everyone's picture in it, that you have in high school.""Yearbook," I said. Was he try...

Today I feel like I did tomorrow.

Smoking will probably kill me, but so will natural selection.

I'd like to thank my parents for making this night possible. And my children for making it necessary.

I don't know why they call them Cheerios, I ate an entire box and didn't feel any happier!!

Pink is supposed to weaken your enemies, make them go soft on you, which must be why it's used for baby girls. It's a wonder the military hasn't got on to this.

Those who do not complain are never pitied.

Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed.

You can't beat me. I have the mind of a warlock with adonis DNA. Winning!

Once upon a time, there was a little creature that was rather small and rather wicked and it lived all alone in the woods. The little creature lived in a little den, at the bottom of a little ravine,...

Knowledge may be power, but half of what I know I wish I could forget.

Throughout life try to remember...to always keep your head up high and your middle finger higher!